Friday, December 12, 2008

Random Observances of Astonishing Stupidity


Let's get right to it:
  • We live in a world where rabid, undisguised ambition is consistently rewarded over intelligence and morality. We are reminded of this every time we interact with supervisors who should be employed to shovel shit in eight to ten hour shifts instead of serving as obstacles to our workplace betterment. This isn't news to any of us. But on occasion, the inanity of those in positions of power becomes so painfully apparent that it gives pause to even the most cynical. The most recent, well-publicized example of this is the freshly arrested Governor of Illinois. Those of you who've been paying attention have already been given all sorts of exhaustive descriptions of Rod Blagojevich's brazen stupidity, so I'll spare you my two cents. I will say, though, that it is entirely possible that after we've all reached the bottom of this swamp, we won't have learned anything that we don't know already. The overwhelming majority of our leaders and bosses are both exceedingly dumb and unflinchingly corrupt.
  • I, like many others, saw this coming. In spite of the abysmal failures of Richard Wagoner, Robert Nardelli and Alan Mulally, the unions are taking the rap for the failure of American auto companies. Yesterday, Republicans shot down an eleventh hour bailout attempt because Republicans are insisting that the Big Three provide a time table for the virtual dismantling of union contracts. There's always a silver lining in every cloud and the Right is viewing this entire auto collapse as a way to defang unions once and for all. It's almost amusing. I don't remember them asking for so much as a handjob when they were shoveling out billions of dollars to banks.
  • I read a great deal. I've lived in and/or visited almost every state in the Union. I've traveled a bit. I've interacted with many different people from all walks of life. I'd like to think that I've pretty much heard it all. Today, though, I heard a woman utter a sentence that I've never heard anyone else say in my life. She said, "I hate water." I should point out that she wasn't talking about Joyce's snot-green, scrotum-tightening sea. She was referring to drinking water. I was dumbfounded - not so much by the fact that a human being can gin up a hatred of a the benign, life-lengthening substance that is at the center of our existence, but by the fact that she didn't see anything strange about it.
  • Last night, I had the distinct displeasure of watching the Celtics pound the listless, inept Washington Wizards. This is probably the fifth or sixth NBA game I've watched this season. I can now say unequivocally that I agree with Charles Barkley when he says that there is some bad basketball being played out there. This is frustrating. Not only because I love basketball but also because I have to remind myself that these bastards are being paid millions of dollars to throw bricks at the hoop, commit turnovers and give up early in the second quarter. Although I believe now that Michael Jordan is an unrepentant coon, I have to give him credit for never failing to give me my money's worth.
  • Speaking of which, who's more foolish? A fool or a person who pays a fool 20 million plus dollars a year to stay home? Say what you want about Mr. Marbury but he sure as hell knows how to make out in a recession.
Blaxplanation Disclaimer: OK. Obviously the November Project ran off of the rails. There's little excuse for it save for the fact that I felt piqued at the end of November. I didn't get to imbibe on Thanksgiving, by the way (in response to a few of you who attributed my non-posting to a long-standing hangover). Sometimes failure is just failure. I, unlike Chrysler, am taking full responsibility for my collapse.

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Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Day Eighteen: Bailing Out Buffoons

One space for me. One space for my asshole.


Today as I was making my approximately 47 minute commute home from work - most of which was spent crawling at 19 miles per hour behind a Cadillac Escalade - it occurred to me that I don't necessarily feel that it's fair to pay for the US auto industry's mistakes.

Of course, by now, anyone with access to a radio or television should be familiar with all of the arguments supporting an economic bailout for the "Big Three." According to economic experts, "Higher car prices, the end of incentives and vehicle shortages could occur if GM and other Big Three automakers don't get bailout.." I understand this and also realize the human toll - an estimated loss of 2.5 million jobs by those who are paid directly or indirectly by a robust auto industry. But, like many others, I also see a great deal of stupidity linked to the current situation in Detroit.

For years now, the Big Three have ignored calls to discontinue their love affair with the tacky, gluttonous, gas-guzzling SUVs and big dumb trucks that currently clog up American roadways. In the 1980s and 90s, US automakers were concerned primarily with manufacturing cars (remember them?) Since the late 90s, however, they've been more and more obsessed with hoisting inefficient behemoths upon the American public. In fact, in 2006, 70 to 75% of Ford's production was SUVs and trucks. Anyone with half a brain could have seen that this couldn't sustain itself. High gasoline prices are and will be the death knell of the SUV culture. But instead of gradually weaning us off of these monsters, the Big Three greedily squeezed as much blood from the stone as they could.

Further, American cars have had a justifiably bad reputation for decades now. I don't know about you but I certainly don't buy American-made automobiles, and when my faithful, gently-used Camry finally gives up on me, I intend to replace with with another Toyota Camry. Foreign, specifically Japanese, automakers have been running circles around American brands with regard to dependability and owner loyalty since the mid 80s. If one thinks of a lemon, one almost invariably thinks of an American car. Instead of choosing to address this head on, and making cars that matter, the Big Three, in their self-satisfied conceit, continued to churn out an inferior product. They figured that Americans wouldn't choose foreign products over their own. They were wrong.

Many critics are blaming unions for this mess. They feel that auto companies have been capitulating to unreasonable union demands over the years, leading to complacency and bloated contracts. While this may help explain why the Big Three can't dramatically cut production costs, it doesn't explain why such shitty ideas and products keep rolling down from the top. Unions aren't responsible for the creative and productive missteps that Ford, Chrysler and GM have taken for the last decade. This is more of an issue of poor management than it is of union bullying.

So here we sit. On the verge of a depression. Stuck between the almost equally terrible decisions to bail out the imbecilic US auto companies or to allow them to collapse under the weight of their own horrible judgment. My feeling is that no matter the decision, we're all going to end up getting the raw end of the deal. Given the current state of the economy, and my own precarious employment, I find it somewhat ironic that these thoughts came to mind during a commute that I might no longer have to take.

Blaxplanation Disclaimer: We - the American consumer - are to blame as well. I read recently that with gas prices on the decline, sales for SUVs and trucks are back on the rise. We've learned nothing, and part of me believes that we deserve what we're going to get.

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Friday, November 07, 2008

Day Seven: Parting Shots



"How could I have ever considered cutting off those beautiful balls."


Now that the shock and unabashed delight of the Obama Victory is beginning to wear off a bit, I think I'm finally at a place where I can begin focusing on the absurdity surrounding it. I'll be using this post as an excuse to provide a little bit of color commentary on some of the things that went down the night of November 4, 2008, and fire a few rounds at the clowns who participated in the circus.

a) McRedneck - I KNOW that I wasn't the only person who peeped that mean-mugging, mustachioed hillbilly holding his son at the McCain concession speech. My friends, that wasn't just disappointment on his face. He looked like, at any minute, he was going to pass his son off to the nearest person, go to his Ford F150, pull out his shotgun, and shoot the first black person he saw. That man was seething. My hope is that the Secret Service interpreted that look the same way I did and had a long talk with Billy Bob.

b) Sarah Flailin' - What Now? That's the question that media outlets collectively posed regarding the pointlessly ambitious, high-heeled bag of potatoes that currently (and thankfully still) governs the state of Alaska. I'm not sure why so many white folks are attempting to attribute a complexity to her that simply doesn't exist. The perennial love affair that whites have with themselves never ceases to amaze me. So, what now? I'll take a stab at it. She'll sink back into her Alaskan purgatory with the First Dude, her kids: Tractor, Truck, Trailer, Trick and Tramp, sit on her back porch monitoring Russia with a pair of binoculars, and dream about a time when a woman who didn't know that Africa is a continent almost made it to the White House.

c) "O" Most Famous - Dave Chappelle once mused that he didn't realize how famous a president could be. He said of Bill Clinton that his fame was so great a person could fellate him and then she would become famous. She could even go on to write a book about her knee-chaffing experiences, for the simple act of servicing a presidential penis had turned her into a qualified author. No one, according to the Chappelle, had a pick up line quite as compelling: "S_ck my d_ck, there's a future in it for you!" Not until Oprah Winfrey leaned on a stranger's back in Grant Park and instantly made him a sought after celebrity did I realize just how spot on Dave Chappelle had been.

d) Will I. Am - I didn't really expect to see Dude.

e) The Tears of a Clown - Perhaps I've been a bit too harsh. I'd initially interpreted Jesse Jackson's public weeping in Grant Park as a cynical, last ditch attempt to place himself in the headlines. I thought, surely, that a man who'd whispered malintentions toward Barack Obama only a few short months ago could not have undergone such an extraordinary change of heart. These tears were simply a put on - a present day version of staining his shirt red with MLK's blood to pretend that he was more connected to the moment than he actually was. But I think now that I may have misjudged Jesse. I think now that his tears were genuine. I think he considered that he would no longer have backdoor access to a Democratic White House. I think he realized that he would no longer be on standby to soothe the soul of a libidinous president. I think he knew that he'd been unceremoniously removed from the gravy train. I believe that this series of realizations led him to cry like he'd lost a loved one. I guess, in a sense, he had. The night of November 4th, Jesse Jackson finally came to the conclusion that many of us reached a long time ago - he'd lost himself.

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Friday, October 03, 2008

The Free Wheelin' Conflict Theorist

    

Thuggin' Love at it's most touching


I just read Cliff's latest post and, not unusually, was inspired to freestyle once again.

First - and this is an addendum to an argument that I left over at Cliff's Crib - Sarah Palin is NOT being picked on by the media.  Katie Couric is not Alfred H. Lewis.  Let's get a grip.  For example, I live in Texas.  The Dallas Morning News.  See?  I managed to come up with the name of my local newspaper rather easily, and did it without the aide of Google.  Also, and not for nothing, but I'm only an HR professional and I know what the Bush Doctrine is.  Anyone with more than a passing interest in the actions of this crooked-assed president and his daddy should be familiar with it.  It's simple shit, people.  Here's what it boils down to: Sarah Palin simply doesn't know what the hell she's talking about.  She's not qualified to be a candidate for Vice President and I wish people would stop acting as if she's splitting atoms just because she doesn't completely disintegrate when the cameras are turned on her.  It's officially become irritating.  She's fighting above her intellectual weight class and everyone knows it.  The very next time a hypocritical right-winger attacks affirmative action, white women (who have benefited from it, and continue to do so infinitely more than blacks) had better circle the God damned wagons.

Hillary Clinton is going to vote for John McCain.  She's got her angry white female loyalists printing up HILLARY 2012 bumper stickers as I type this.  Which brings me to another observation.  The ONLY mistake that Obama has made during his improbable campaign is failing to close the gap between himself and the Clintons - who still have considerable political pull, and anger over having been whipped by a Negro neophyte.  Obama should have been able to strike some sort of back room, under the table deal with the Clinton cadre to sew up their loyalties, at least for the current election cycle. His failure to do so may very well cost him the election.

We Americans love deluding ourselves.  One such delusion is that Osama Bin Laden is currently running around like a trapped rat living in a cave.  He is not.  As sure as John McCain's wife is a drug addict, that murderous fanatic is living in a dwelling that makes your house look like that shack in Wasilla from which Sarah Palin use to "govern."  It comforts us to believe that our great modern day walking evil is running around, eating only herbs and berries, and eeking out a hunted existence like the family in The Land of the Lost.  It makes us feel that he's less of a threat and that our complete and utter failure to capture him isn't all that bad.  It ain't so, folks.  Bin Laden isn't living like a Flintstone, and he had an iPhone 3G before you did.

And finally, I need to know why so many of you seem to love Lil' Wayne so much.  Why do you continue to prop him up so?  What is so fascinating about him?  Have you actually heard his voice?  Or seen him?  Or listened to his *sigh* music?  What's wrong with you people?  Some days ago, I was watching VH1's 100 Greatest Hip Hop Songs special.  According to some unfathomable combination of VH1 producers and hip hop listeners, the Doug E. Fresh/Slick Rick classic, "The Show," was #51.  Number 51.  That's at least in the top 20 my fellow Americans.  "So," I thought to myself, "surely the the top 50 must be masterpieces."  Of course, that hope was dashed when #50 was announced: "The Block is Hot" by the afore mentioned cockroach, Lil' Wayne.  Since I can't blame myself for this travesty, that only leaves you.  You may apologize if it suits you but I assure you that it will not be accepted.


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Monday, January 28, 2008

Go To Hell, Andy Rooney
















Andy Rooney: You're Still A Negro To Him


Television makes me angry.

These days, whenever the TV is on in my house, it's tuned in to Spongebob Squarepants or the surprisingly cool Backyardigans. Every now and again, however, I'm able to secretly escape the ghetto of children's programming and watch something (supposedly) for adults. Over the course of the last couple of weeks, I was able to watch three shows in their entirety - each of which made me angrier than the program that proceeded it.

The first program was aired on PBS. Usually, public television is a pretty safe bet. I decided to watch American Experience. This installment featured the despicable exploits of one Walter Freeman, the man who popularized the lobotomy. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't surprised at the horrific progression of events that lead a psychiatrist with no surgical training to become a celebrated butcher who routinely destroyed people's brains with a pair of ice picks. I was mortified by the none-too-subtle attempt, on the part of the narrator, to paint this man as a tragic hero. Apparently, although Freeman mutilated thousands of people, including children as young as four years old, and was kind enough to leave a (PLEASE don't access the following link if you do not wish to see disturbing evidence of Freeman's atrocities) photographic record of his crimes against humanity, his is a story of a decent man gone mad with power. As always, when biographers pull this kind of shit, I can't help but wonder if Freeman would get the kid gloves treatment if (here it comes) he were a black man. I'm sorry to have to say it but the only white man in history who seems to be off of white folks' redemption radar is Hitler (and even he has his sympathizers.)

The second program that pissed me off was none other than Real Time With Bill Maher. A bit of disclosure here: I can't stand Bill Maher. First, every single time I see his smug, self-satified, self-righteous face I imagine myself pushing my fist into it. Second, I can't get beyond the time I saw him shamelessly defile himself by flirting on-air with the disgusting, dude-faced Ann Coulter. Third, I can't appreciate the way he shits on people's faith. Only a true asshole would speak so dismissively, so often, of what other people hold dear. Finally, I'm convinced that he, and folks like him, are infinitely more comfortable casting aspersions at the clown currently residing at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue than they are addressing legitimate social injustice. At any rate, his guests were some random conservative, some self-avowed redneck and DL Hughley. The only times I could manage to distract myself from thoughts of pulling Maher's brain out through his nose were when the always entertaining Dan Savage showed up, and when the redneck, in response to the topic of beef cloning uttered, "When did cows stop fucking?"

Last and least was last night's 60 Minutes. Overall, it was a pretty good show. Of course, for dessert, the producers have tirelessly exhibited the need to serve up a heaping portion of shit pie by giving Andy Rooney undeserved airtime. If you think Flavor Flav is the worst thing on television, you get an 'F.' Among other things, I learned that Andy's family had a live-in maid during the Great Depression and Andy's not terribly worried about an economic downturn. According to him, "I don't know much about economics, but I don't believe we're in a recession, or a depression, whatever the difference is."

If any of you can name me ONE SINGLE INDIVIDUAL on the face of God's Green Earth who gets paid more for doing less, I'll forsake Obama and vote for you when the primaries come to Texas.

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Wednesday, January 16, 2008

The Office of My Familiar




















"I never noticed how phat your ass is, Boss."


My wife is a pharmacist. That means she's got her doctorate (Pharm.D.) and is a nationally recognized and state-certified professional. I'm not simply bragging on my lady here (not that it would score me any points since she stopped reading my blog long ago). I mean, I'm extremely proud of her and I understand the economic and social obstacles that she's had to overcome to accomplish her goals, but the whole reason I'm mentioning it is because of two work-related incidents she's shared with me.

The first was recurring. While we were living in Virginia some years ago, she was working with a pharmacist who happened to be a black male. If any of you can recall my Heathen Manifesto post, he was the Credit to His Race who had two families, and had the temerity to chide her about not belonging to a church. At any rate, she began to notice that as soon as he became comfortable with her, he suddenly lost all traces of his professionalism. Propriety and pretense devolved into frequent and often bizarre inappropriateness. In her eyes, this fall into unsuitable familiarity was precipitated by the fact that she was a black woman. Because she was a "sister," he immediately assumed that he could get away with what one of my Houston frat brothers refers to as, "that ol' bullshit."

Fast forward to the present. My wife works with a Jewish man (let's call him Mike) who is the pharmacist-in-charge. The two of them are the regular, nine-to-fivers at her current location. Other pharmacists are often brought in to provide coverage when one of them needs to take off. Recently, an outside pharmacist (let's call him Elroy) was hired to take over for Mike when he had a doctor's appointment. For about a half-an-hour, Mike, Elroy and my wife worked together with seamless professionalism. As soon as Mike left for his appointment, Elroy asked, loudly and to no one in particular, "Alright! Where the party at?" In her words, "This Negro thought that the pharmacy transformed into a nightclub just because a white man went to a doctor's appointment."

She's not alone. EVERY SINGLE black female professional that I know has had to endure (or is doing so currently) some kind of come on, ignorant comment, leer or improper gesture from some brother that gets just a little too familiar. Now, before you rush to judgment about me, I recognize that this is not endemic to my people. Men being what they are, women in general have historically been exposed to both sexual and non-sexual workplace incongruities. Having acknowledged that, I still find it regrettable that some brothers just can't check that player shit at the office door. If I had a dollar for every complaint I've heard, from my wife, sister, mother, and women friends, about some failed attempt at workplace pimpery, I'd move my family to the Hamptons. If any of you would-be office Lotharios are reading this, my suggestion to you would be to focus on your God-damned job. Apart from having to occasionally bear witness to some of the shittiest game I've ever seen, I'm tired of sisters at my job regarding me with suspicion just because I smile at them and say "Hello."

Blaxplanation Disclaimer: I realize it was wrong to take a pic of a genial, professional black couple and contaminate it with that unfortunate quote, but, like the recently-removed editor of Golfweek, I'm just trying to generate some readership.

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Wednesday, November 14, 2007

On Vanity Deaths, Larry David and Jesus' Good Fortune..















On May 5, 2087, the moon's first colonists are paid a visit.


OK. So this week I was dead set on creating the best, most thought-provoking, stylishly written post in Blaxplanation's short history. Then I realized that I'm kind of lazy and that, like many Americans, I'd rather watch television than do any real thinking. So this freestyle is what those of you who choose to read this blog are left with. Enjoy it if you can.

As most already know, Kanye West's mother, Donda West, died a few days ago. It is suspected that Dr. West's death was caused by post-op complications after she endured a botched plastic surgery. The only photo that I've seen of Jan Adams, the doctor who performed the surgery, is a mugshot that was taken after he had been arrested for a DWI. At the time of this writing, the portrait that is being painted of Adams is that of a Beverly Hills Butcher who has a history of disfiguring his patients.
One of the most disheartening parts of this unfortunate incident is the criticism of Dr. West that I've been hearing for the past couple of days. Supposedly, Donda West was initially advised not to undergo surgery because of concerns for her health. She, apparently, balked at the idea that she would have to postpone her surgery and sought another opinion - that of Dr. Jan Adams. I've spoken with more than one person who feels that Donda West brought this on herself. They liken her demise to that of those who, emboldened by their own "celebrity," foolishly court death. Her's, according to this opinion, was little more than a vanity death. Also, she was an educated woman. Shouldn't she have known better?
Well, to me, even if the rumors of her being forewarned are true, this is a pretty rotten and judgmental rationale. Was the decision to ignore a doctor's advice and press on with elective surgery a good one? Obviously not. But most of us have acted irrationally at some point during our lives and are fortunate enough to not have died as a result. I don't doubt that one of the main reasons that some people feel this way has to do with the fact that Dr. West elected to have plastic surgery. Many people assume the moral high ground when it comes to this procedure. They claim to believe that one shouldn't alter one's appearance if one doesn't have to. This strikes me as oddly judgmental, considering the fact that the number of elective plastic surgeries climbs significantly every year. Also, many people in general, and women in particular, have a terrible self-image when it comes to their bodies. We're living in a world in which the quick fix has become the norm so it shouldn't surprise us that a wealthy woman, doctorate or no, would find a way to get a perfunctory tummy tuck. I guess I also shouldn't find it surprising that some folks would find a way to blame the victim.

According to a newly-released study from the Pew Charitable Trusts, if you're a young black person, you're broker than folks were at your age. The Washington Post reported that - while the black/white income disparity has decreased - black Americans are actually less prosperous now than their parents were. No wonder my mother is still mailing me birthday cards with money in them. So much for the growing black middle class I've been waiting so anxiously to join.

On Sunday night the last two minutes of the season finale of Curb Your Enthusiasm moved into that rare stratosphere of comedic genius.

A couple of representatives from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints paid me a visit a few days ago. I wasn't expecting them. However, after I found out who it was, I answered the door for two reasons. The first is because I'm a relatively hospitable dude. The second is because, like Inigo Montoya, I've been waiting years to say something to the next Mormon proselytizer that I came across. Here's exactly how it went down:
LDS: *Ding, dong*
ACT (answering door with the Book of Mormon in hand): Hello! Are you guys LDS?
LDS (looking genuinely surprised): Ha! Yes sir we are!
ACT (chomping at the bit): Great! Well I know why you're here and I just want to say that I've had many conversations with members of the LDS church. Now, before you begin, I think I should tell you that you might want to consider using your considerable powers of persuasion on someone else.
LDS (trudging right along): Well, we've come here to..
ACT (going in for the kill): Oh no. Believe me, I know why you've come - to spread the *tapping meaningfully on the Book of Mormon* Good Word. Well, like I said, I've already heard it and until one of you guys can explain why 2nd Nephi chapter 5 verse 21 - a clear cut celebration of white supremacy - is included in your book of worship then you should probably keep it moving. Take care.

Which brings me to my last thought. If you had to die in order to save the world would you do it? I was about to go to surveymonkey to establish a poll on this when I realized that I didn't need to. It's a no-brainer. Of course most of us would. Only a selfish, misanthropic bastard would choose himself over 6 and half billion people. Why then do the Jesus groupies with whom I occasionally come into contact act as if Jesus did something so noble? He was lucky. If I gave you a choice between a) dying an agonizing death to save the souls of every single person who will ever inhabit the known world, for which you will be eternally recognized and worshiped or b) working for 30 thankless years in a middle management position, which would you choose? That's not even taking into account the fact that millions of people have succumbed to deaths that were at least as tortuous as Jesus' for nothing at all. Am I the only one who feels this way?

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Friday, November 09, 2007

The Continuing Saga of a Sociopath





















God help us all.

OJ is in court again. This time it's because he allegedly (read: probably) threatened some dude who stole *cough* set up *cough* some sports memorabilia from him in Vegas. Once more I can feel white America hanging its vengeful hopes on the conviction of OJ Simpleton...I mean Simpson. Once more I can feel the skepticism of black Americans who believe that white folks are simply "out to get" him. I honestly heard one brother say with a straight face, "Man, they just keep on trying to squeeze The Juice." Since I'm now taking my cues from the NAACP and Al Sharpton, and recognizing the official death of the "N-word," I just gave the brother a withering look and responded, "African-American, please."

Actually, I can't say that I didn't see another case coming. Sure, OJ began his post-acquittal life quietly enough - leisurely wiling away the borrowed hours of his miraculous second chance on America's golf courses. Then (cue the theme music to "Jaws") came news that he'd had an altercation or two with one of his white girlfriends. Then came the grotesque, semi-confessional, If I Did It, which, I have to say, was the defiant product of an absolute madman. All of which bring us to now - when I can't watch ESPN without being given up-to-the-minute information on OJ's legal condition.

Make no mistake about it: this will go to trial. I suspect that this time, no matter the verdict, both whites and blacks will be slightly more subdued in their reactions. I doubt I'll see black folks happily dancing around in the street if OJ dodges another bullet (no, really, I actually saw this.) Nor do I expect to see white folks crying while standing in line waiting to check out their groceries (ditto.) After all, this case is noticeably free of murdered white women. White corpses tend to get the populace ginned up. Brown corpses? Not so much. I think that, in part, this explains why African-Americans were so eager to see OJ moonwalk out of the courtroom a free man the first time. When OJ came out "clean" on the other side of that murder case, it was as if black folks were saying, "See, white people? Injustice doesn't feel too good. Does it?"

Blaxplanation Disclaimer: Just so you know, I'm not dismissing the almost certainly OJ-caused deaths of Ron Goldman and Nicole Brown Simpson. I just happen to have noticed that black Americans care as much about them as white Americans do about the unsolved murders of thousands of young black men and women that occur in this country every year. I think that's reasonable. Don't you?

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Friday, October 19, 2007

Say What?














Free with every AARP membership


This post is inspired by Cliff's latest freestyle and by the continuing saga of the Black Mamba. I was actually on the cusp of developing a completely different post but, luckily, I visited two of my favorite online destinations and decided to wing it a bit. Here are a couple of things I'm thinking about. I dedicate this to Breez whose great misfortune it is to suffer fools, and to Cliff - I see you sitting on that porch, brother. Keep doing your thing.

Recently, Bill Cosby's been running from talk show to talk show sharing his latest 'This is What's Wrong with Black America' musings - this time in order to promote his new book. I caught a portion of him on Oprah, Meet the Press and Larry King Live and two things became instantly clear to me. The first is that he is losing his vision (no, I literally mean his eyesight). The second is that he is losing his mind.
Some of you may already be familiar with my reaction to Bill's reinvention of himself as a cultural critic so I won't go into that. What I will say is that Cosby has obviously contracted what I like to call "Grandpaitis." Grandpaitis has taken effect when a person reaches a point in his or her life at which he or she suddenly finds it easier to tell everybody EXACTLY what the fuck he or she thinks is wrong with them than it is to say nothing at all. This condition is easy to misidentify. Many people mistake it for "telling it like it is." Still others confuse it with senility. Just for the record, senility is when you forget shit. Grandpaitis is when you forget nothing at all. Hey, this isn't an insult. It happens to many people. My grandfather, who I've mourned to one degree or another every single day since he's been gone, was stricken with an acute case a few years before he passed on. Since my dad's side of the family still nurses that Old School respect for patriarchy, no one really attempted to correct Big Pop when he got you into a corner and told you a few things about yourself that he thought you should know. Far from it. A couple of the things that we did do, however, was keep him away from strangers and from live mics. If Bill Cosby was my grandfather, instead of detailing the shortcomings of poor black people on national television, he would be detailing the shortcomings of my uncle Willie to an audience of about ten or twelve.

I recently saw an extremely disturbing picture of El DeBarge. At this moment, many of you who aren't black are asking yourselves, "Who the hell is El DeBarge?" Those of you who are black are saying, "Where's the picture?" It is here. In it, El is holding on to his little brother Chico for what appears to be dear life. Apparently, Eldra (yeah, I would have gone by El too) DeBarge is one of the many DeBarge brothers to run afoul of the law. He's been battling drug addiction and was recently arrested for domestic abuse. Sad.
El's issues made me ask myself a question that I will now ask you. Who would have thought that of all the eighties black radio mainstays Prince would be the one who aged gracefully? More accurately, Prince (at this point I should probably admit I've been a fan of his for 75% of my life and feel that he is vastly more talented than anyone who's ever attempted to pick up an instrument or sing into a microphone) is aging magnificently while El is looking for a fix, Michael is on self-imposed exile, Whitney is cracked out, and Rick James is gone. I can't say that I saw that coming.

Finally, there's this. I HATE it when people refer derisively to so-and-so as a "one hit wonder." I was at Starbuck's and I overheard one of the cashiers say, of the guy who made that annoying "You're beau-tifuuul" song, "he's just a one hit wonder." Now, as much as I hated that song, I had to think to myself (yes, to myself, I don't have grandpaitis just yet) 'That's one more hit than you've made you smug ignoramus. I'm sure you're in a much better position behind the bar of a Starbuck's than he is wiping his backside with beau-tifuuul royalties.' What I actually said, of course, was "I'll have a large...sorry, a grande caramel latte." I'm sure Bill Cosby would not have been proud.

Edit: I have to admit that some episodes of Grandpaitis are nothing short of brilliant. I found this exchange particularly amusing..
Larry King: Do you support Barack Obama?
Bill Cosby: Do you ask white people if they support white candidates?
Larry King: Ummm..
Bill Cosby: ANSWER THE QUESTION, LARRY!!

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Friday, October 12, 2007

Exhibit ∞




















Where is the justice?



This is why.

This is why many of us aren't willing to write Michael Vick off because he killed some dogs.
This is why some of us actually (regrettably) celebrated when OJ got away with murder.
This is why few of us are moved when yet another white woman goes missing.
And this is why, despite criticisms that it was "overkill," tens of thousands of black folks put on black clothes (and many more of us who couldn't make it wore mourning colors in support) moved in on the little town of Jena, LA.


Today, in Panama City, it took an all-white jury 90 minutes to exonerate eight former "boot camp" workers who caused the death of a 14-year-old black boy. The victim, Martin Lee Anderson, died while being detained in a "get tough" children's rehabilitation camp. After being forced to run past the point of exhaustion, Anderson collapsed and was promptly ignored by his captors. He didn't receive the medical help he desperately needed because the group of guards who witnessed him falling to the ground assumed he was "faking" it. They were excused of their criminal negligence because they were simply following the orders of their employers. After a three-week trial, it took only an hour and a half for jurors to conclude that Martin Lee Anderson's life meant absolutely nothing.

When white America informs us day in and day out that our lives, and those of our children, don't matter, we eventually get the point. "Love Us While We Hate You" isn't a slogan that strikes me as catchy.

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Wednesday, October 10, 2007

The New Buffalo















If only there had been a few of these around during the so-called Black Hawk War.


This won't be one of my typical posts.

A friend of mine sent me an article that I think everyone should read. It was written by Paul Harris for The Observer. Harris writes about how successful gaming operations on Native American reservations have served to increase an already exceptional poverty gap and led to tribal infighting. Many have dubbed casinos the "New Buffalo" because of the role they play in sustaining First Nation Tribes. Ironically, as opposed to driving the New Buffalo to extinction, whites are going to great lengths to preserve it.

For purposes of convenience, I'm posting it here in its entirety. Be forewarned. It is long so if you're anything like my mother-in-law, you'll want to read it in sections.

Paul Harris
Sunday August 19, 2007
The Observer


It is called Indian Country and it exists in tiny patches and forgotten reservations dotted across the face of America. It is home to 2.8m people. One part of Indian Country lies on the prairie behind Bob Lone Elk's trailer home. There, at the end of a dirt road that rides over South Dakota's undulating grasslands, Lone Elk has built a prayer field. It is a simple, private place of a few wooden huts and logs lashed together to provide shade for dancers and singers.

A member of the Oglala Lakota Sioux - who beat General George Custer - Lone Elk lives on the Pine Ridge reservation. He built his prayer field to carry on the Lakota religion. He holds ceremonies here, just as his ancestors did.

Walking through the field, Lone Elk does not look like the stereotypical image of an Indian medicine man. He wears shades, his arms are covered in biker tattoos and his T-shirt bears a Harley-Davidson logo. But when he lifts that shirt his identity is written in livid scars across his chest. For Lone Elk - like many Lakota men - practises the sacred Sun Dance where skewers are pierced through his chest, tied with rope to a tree and then stretched until they rip free. He Sun Danced earlier this year, praying that Lakota traditions would survive, spilling his blood in the prairie dust. 'Why do I do it?' he laughs in a sing-song Indian accent. 'One day I want my grandchildren to do this. I want Lakota ways to go on.'

But Indian Country is no longer just for men like Lone Elk. Or places like Pine Ridge, with its awesome beauty and appalling poverty. For Indians - few of whom use the term Native Americans - are gripped by immense social change that has altered the face of Indian Country. In the wake of new legislation allowing casinos to open on Indian reservations in the Eighties, many tribes have grown rich. Last year Indian gaming earned a staggering $25.5bn. Some tribes now have social issues the Saudi royals might identify with: too many fast cars and no need to work.

Once, Indians were united by marginalisation and poverty. Now they are divided. Like the rest of America, Indian Country is both very poor and very rich. They now own famous brand-name companies such as the Hard Rock Cafe and wield power in the white world that once scorned them. They also now compete with each other and fight among themselves. Indian casinos - dubbed 'the new buffalo' - have raised the question of what it means to be Indian in modern America. Indians have survived hundreds of years of massacre, oppression and racism. But will they survive becoming rich?

Foxwoods casino rises above the surrounding woodland like an enormous temple. It towers into the sky, surrounded by sprawling car parks, and dominates the Connecticut landscape for miles around. It is the biggest casino in the world and it sits on the reservation of the Mashantucket Pequot, a tribe who 25 years ago were impoverished and virtually unknown outside a scrap of tribal land only a handful of them called home. Now they are arguably the richest Indians in America.

Foxwoods has more than 7,400 slot machines and 390 gaming tables. The clattering slots funnel more than $1bn a year into tribal coffers. The casino has three hotels and 40,000 visitors a day. Next year - in its eighth expansion - a new hotel and 4,000-seat theatre will be added.

The Pequot, living on the coast of New England, were among the first tribes to experience white men. They were decimated by disease and the brutal Pequot War in the 1600s, which ended with the tribe being hunted down, its men massacred, its women sold into slavery and the Pequot language banned.

Yet they survived. Finally, allotted a swampy reservation at Mashantucket, they continued to scrape by, inter-marrying with whites or freed slaves. In 1774 they numbered 151. By 1970 just two elderly Pequot remained on the reservation, the rest having dispersed into America. In the Seventies, activists encouraged members to come home, won compensation from the government for land thefts and started new businesses. They tried running a pizza restaurant and selling maple syrup. But when the law was changed to allow Indian tribes to open casinos the Pequot struck it rich. Here, in the heart of the wealthiest state in America, within a few hours' drive of New York and Boston, the tribe's fortunes were transformed.

The Pequot share out Foxwoods's profits. Numbering around 800, each member of the tribe receives $100,000 a year for life from the age of 18. The tribe provides healthcare, pays for college and arranges jobs. The reservation boasts golf courses and gated luxury housing where driveways bristle with expensive cars. The Pequot have built a plush museum to their history and begun a language reclamation project to resurrect a tongue not spoken in decades. The tribe has also tracked down descendants and welcomed them back.

Not surprisingly, the Pequot bask in their success. Take Kimberly Hatcher-White. She had a Pequot great-grandmother - born on the reservation in 1910 - but she herself grew up in tough circumstances in a nearby town. Her mother struggled on a nurse's salary and Hatcher-White had to drop out of college. She worked at McDonald's and as a bus driver. She remembers how the Indian side of the family was discouraged in favour of the black American side. She tells a story of being a child and wanting to play an Indian, not a pilgrim, in a school Thanksgiving play. 'A great aunt told me: "Never tell. Being an Indian is worse than being the n-word,"' she says.

Things are different now. Hatcher-White was enrolled in the tribe in 1997. The Pequot paid for her to finish college. Now she heads the tribal museum. Sitting in her office, she is an American success story. Though she looks black, she has no doubt about her Indian identity. 'I am proud to be part of this tribe. This is where our culture and heritage is.'

One simple story illustrates just how much has changed for the Pequot. Outside the reservation lies a peak called Lantern Hill that was once holy to the tribe, but owned by a quarry firm who strip-mined the mountainside. It is a tale of abuse familiar all over Indian Country, where sacred sites have been mined or developed. But Indian money can now accomplish what moral argument cannot. The Pequot simply bought the offending quarry. Then they closed it and re-employed its workers in Foxwoods. Now they are re-landscaping the mess.

Such power has local whites worried. The Pequot are buying up land around their reservation. After centuries of being abused and marginalised, they now have the upper hand. 'A lot of it is the fear of losing white land to the tribe,' says Hatcher-White. She then pauses, perhaps reflecting on Pequot history, before adding: 'It is ironic, isn't it?'

The Pequot are far from alone in wielding new-found tribal power. There are now 400 Indian casinos across America. Each one brings in money and influence.

The Seminoles are a Florida tribe once hunted to near extinction in the Everglades. Last year, flush with cash, they bought the Hard Rock chain for $965m. In California, too, powerful casino tribes are flexing their muscles. Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger initially campaigned with a promise to curb Indian gambling. But once in office - and after certain tribes revealed they were willing to spend millions of dollars to derail a raft of his policy initiatives - Schwarzenegger changed his tune. Even the mighty Governator respects the power of the Indian dollar.

But wealth is a two-edged sword. Indian tribes were at the heart of a scandal that has rocked Washington DC for the past two years. It involved the disgraced lobbyist Jack Abramoff, a shadowy figure close to influential politicians. Six tribes gave him more than $82m to spread about the nation's capital. Unfortunately Abramoff played fast and loose and wound up in jail. Even worse, when his case came to court, it seemed the tribes had got little for their money. Abramoff had referred derisively to them as 'monkeys' and 'troglodytes' in emails revealed in court.

The case also showed how Indians now lobby against other tribes. Those that already have casinos actively prevent others from joining the gold rush. Money has also caused some tribes to turn on themselves. Last month a dispute on a California reservation between pro-casino and anti-casino factions ended with the eviction of some Indians by tribal police firing pepper spray. It also prompted many tribes to start kicking out people in order to share the cash among a smaller group of members. In Iowa, the Meskwaki tribe has started using DNA tests to screen 'pretenders'. The Cherokee recently threw out descendants of black slaves once owned by the tribe. In California an estimated 2,000 Indians have been booted out of tribes who accepted them during poor times, but do not want them to share in new wealth.

The Pequot aren't immune. Recently the tribe's internal politics have been riven by dissent. Their tribal leader since before Foxwoods was Richard Hayward, who led the Pequot for 23 years and turned them from dirt poor to filthy rich. Now Hayward and his family have been cast out of power. New factions have taken over and he rarely visits the reservation. At the same time some young Pequot have fallen victim to the temptations of wealth, enjoying their American life and leaving behind tribal traditions that survived centuries of oppression. When asked about her adult son, Joseph, Hatcher-White grows reticent. 'I don't like publicly talking about it. He does not participate in the culture. That is his choice,' she said.

But there can be little doubt that being excluded from the casino riches flowing through Indian Country is a far worse fate. Life on Lone Elk's Pine Ridge remains brutal and marginalised. The reservation's main town - also called Pine Ridge - is a dusty place of two traffic lights and a handful of fast-food stores. Most people live in decrepit trailer homes whose yards are piled with car wrecks.

Life here is tougher and shorter than anywhere else in America. Male life expectancy is 56. Unemployment is 70 per cent and 75 per cent of residents live below the poverty line. The average annual income is $3,700. Twenty per cent of houses have no water or electricity. 'This is the Third World in the middle of America,' says Jeaneen Lone Hill, a Lakota woman who is planning to move away. She has little hope for life improving. 'I need to go somewhere I can make a difference to people's lives. I don't see myself able to do that here.'

To understand what has happened here it is necessary only to visit Wounded Knee. Set in a bowl of rolling prairie, a tiny cluster of trailer homes marks the spot where the US army massacred hundreds of Lakota men, women and children in 1890. People on Pine Ridge speak of Wounded Knee as if it happened yesterday. Certainly it's not just history for a man like Jerry McLaughlin, who works in the tribe's housing department. Standing on the windy spot next to a mass grave for its victims, he points down into the narrow defile where most Indians were killed: 'To me this is a sacred place. To white Americans this is something they'd rather forget.'

It should surprise no one that herding a defeated, nomadic, buffalo-hunting tribe on to a tiny patch of land far from a city and on marginal soil unfit for farming, would lead to the disaster Pine Ridge is today. In such circumstances 100 years is unlikely to improve much. What is surprising is not that the Lakota are trapped in poverty, but that they are here at all. Life is harsh. There are few jobs and gangsterism has infected the young. Men are often festooned with tattoos and are sucked into the violence and drugs that mark gang life. McLaughlin worries his only son, James, will fall victim. He is 13 and McLaughlin wants to move to the countryside to get away. 'I am trying to get out before my son gets any older,' he says in the garden of his battered Pine Ridge house. Nearby homes have rubbish-filled yards and are covered in gang graffiti. McLaughlin knows there are few options for his boy: 'He wants to join the Marines as a way out,' he says. 'But I discourage that. He is the only son I have.'

And then there is the booze problem. Though the reservation is 'dry' it is ringed by border towns with liquor stores and bars. Pine Ridge itself is nestled up against the Nebraska state line, and just a mile away lies the off-reservation town of Whiteclay, a collection of booze shops, a Christian mission and burnt-out homes. Its only street - even early in the morning - is lined with drunk Indians collapsed on pavements, drinking in the bushes or pan-handling on the streets.

Suicide is a big problem. On the neighbouring Rosebud reservation the rate among Sioux youth is 10 times higher than the norm. After a spate of deaths recently a state of emergency was declared there. In conversations with local residents the spectre of early death seems ever present. A cousin who had an overdose; a rumoured suicide; a drink-driving accident that took a school friend. That holds true for Dana Lone Hill, a Lakota woman who recently moved back to Pine Ridge after a decade away. Now she lives in a rickety house and is trying to make ends meet as a writer for the local newspaper, while selling beadwork. 'Every day is a struggle,' she says. 'Sometimes to get enough just to buy food for a meal is a struggle.'

Yet there is another story to Pine Ridge. One that harks back to before casinos and before the arrival of white people. Beneath the squalor, there is a community that has genuinely held on to its culture against seemingly impossible odds in a way the now-rich Pequot could not. Pine Ridge is not just the home of the poor and marginalised; it is in a very real sense true Indian Country. It is not yet fully part of America.

This explains why Bob Lone Elk has built a prayer field on the prairie. It explains the Sun Dance scars on the chests of many Lakota men. It explains why across Pine Ridge there are more than 40 spots where Sun Dances take place. It explains the yearly calendar of ceremonies that Lone Elk conducts, drawing hundreds of Indians to observe the rituals and dances their ancestors did. He talks of being possessed by 'thunder spirits' with the same matter-of-factness as a Christian pastor might preach the power of prayer. And all this goes on away from the eyes of white America, often because outsiders are banned from such places.

Lone Elk knows the reservation is poor, but he sees signs of cultural survival that give him heart. Despite growing up in a Lakota-speaking household, he was forced to speak English at reservation schools. Now Lakota is taught there. His daughter, Dana, recently attended her first religious ceremony in the prayer field. She brought her four children. They danced and sang along with scores of other Lakota.

It is that sense of identity - not as an American but as a Lakota - that brought Dana back to Pine Ridge. It is a tie that draws many. 'In the end I had a hard time being off the reservation. I realised Pine Ridge is my home,' she says. There is nothing about that feeling that is fake or contrived. Across Indian Country many tribes hold regular pow-wows, festivals of dance and music and opportunities for people to reconnect. In some cases these are tourist affairs. A recent Pequot pow-wow was held in the grounds of the tribal museum, attracting a crowd of white visitors. Not so the Lakota pow-wow. It was held in Pine Ridge and attracted Indians from all over North and South Dakota. They struck tents and tepees, held a rodeo and dance. 'I love pow-wow,' said Dana. 'It's where we come together despite everything.'

That fierce community pride explains the most incredible thing about the Lakota; for the astonishing fact is that they could easily tap a vast supply of wealth, but they have chosen not to on a point of principle. In their long struggle with white America, their greatest defeat was losing the Black Hills, a mountainous region sacred to the tribe. The hills were given to the Indians in a treaty, but shortly after they were invaded by miners looking for gold.

In 1980, after years of court battles, a judge awarded a cash settlement for the broken promises in lieu of returning the hills to the Indians. That sum is now $500m and it is sitting unclaimed in a government bank account. The Lakota have not touched a cent though the prospects of ever reclaiming the Hills - now populated by tourist towns and ranches - appear to be zero. It is a heroic, some might say unfathomable, act of defiance. Even Jeaneen Lone Hill, as she prepares to leave Pine Ridge's poverty behind, does not want to see the money claimed. 'They should not touch it. Then white America will never own the Black Hills.'

What, then, still links the Lakota and the Pequot? Is Indian Country hopelessly divided between those who join America and prosper, and those who hold on to old ways?

At first it seems more divides than unites. The Lakota, too, have opened a casino, but it is a small place, hundreds of miles from anywhere, that attracts few visitors. And then there are the cultural voids opening up in Indian Country. 'I am Lakota first. Then I am American later,' Jerry McLaughlin says, standing at Wounded Knee. Others are more strident still. 'They did to us what America is now doing to Iraq,' says Jeaneen Lone Hill. That is not a sentiment found among the Pequot. Aside from the fact that every Pequot has white or black blood in their veins as well as Indian, they have embraced mainstream America. Take Lori Potter. Through her mother's Indian blood she has become a Pequot tribal member who acts as an ambassador between the Pequot and the government. Potter looks like a classic white American mom. She admits she grew up a 'Navy brat' mostly in California and, as a child, she had little knowledge of Indians. 'I had an image of Indians only living in the West,' she says. She bristles at the suggestion that being Indian might conflict with being American. 'I am a patriotic American,' she says.

But, digging beneath the surface, there are still links keeping Indian Country whole. All Indians, in different ways, still face the hostility of much of America. The Lakota talk of the difficulties of getting a job outside the reservation and being stopped regularly by the police. The Pequot battle white suspicions about their power and wealth. Potter says that looking as white as she does helps in her dealings with government officials. 'They have a sense of mistrust. It is easier for me to talk to them,' she says. For both tribes the white world still views them as potentially 'hostile Indians', feared for their wealth or their resentful poverty. America still prefers its Indians kept in the stereotypical box of myth: of the noble warrior who only exists in film and on TV. Being confronted with the complex reality can be uncomfortable.

That is something Kimberly Hatcher-White knows all about. She looks like a black American, but fiercely identifies with the tribe - especially given the historical reasons why the Pequot intermarried so much: their menfolk were killed and the woman sold into slavery. She is tired of justifying her identity as an Indian to outsiders: 'Why should we have to explain to everybody that we look the way we do?'

Perhaps, though, she should be thankful she is still being asked the question. That means Indians are still here; still different from the rest of America. 'We were always here. We never went away,' says Hatcher-White. That might not be true for long. For the real thing that unites all Indian tribes - whether the children of Bob Lone Elk or those of Hatcher-White - is the gradual creep of mainstream American culture into their youth. From the dusty streets of Pine Ridge to the clipped lawns of Mashantucket the impact of cable TV, fast food and all things American is huge, and getting bigger. On Pine Ridge the busiest restaurant in town is Pizza Hut. In Connecticut, at the recent Pequot pow-wow most of the Indian performers seemed to come from other tribes. The Pequot, no doubt, were busy; working, going to college and leading middle-class American lives. It would be ironic if, after centuries of bloodshed, oppression and poverty, what could really spell the end of Indian Country is MTV, a Big Mac and acceptance.

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Friday, September 21, 2007

On Black Thursday, OJ, Idiocy and Mos Def..















Apparently, black clothes, 90 degree temperatures and a slick perm aren't as combustible a combination as I'd imagined..


As before, when I felt compelled by both internal and external pressures to comment about Mike Vick and D.L. Hughley, I'm now feeling the urge to provide feedback on a series of current events. I'll try to convey each of these opinions as succinctly as possible, mainly because my mother-in-law, who reads my blog regularly, can't seem to make it beyond four paragraphs.

1) I think that yesterday's Jena Six Rally was a tremendous symbolic success.

Some have likened it to the great marches on Selma although this is a bit much (for a number of reasons, not the least of which is Selma had MLK and Hosea Williams and Jena had Al Sharpton and Michael Baisden). I do believe, however, that we did very well.
First, we sent a considerable message, not only to the powers that be in Jena, Louisiana, but to the the American justice machine as a whole - an APB with a single idea. Namely, that black people will not sit idly by while biased enforcers of the "law" attempt to destroy our children's lives with 'the stroke of a pen.'
Second, the young brothers that were railroaded know with certainty that their people have their backs. Can you imagine how they felt (if they were allowed to see it on television) when they witnessed their town being besieged by a throng of that magnitude, responding to their predicament and saying simply, "This won't do?"
Finally, and less importantly, any time hundreds of thousands of African-Americans can be convinced to wear black as a sign of solidarity (in extreme heat!) that's got to count for something. I saw a significant number of purposefully ebony-clad black folks (albeit, mostly women) at both my job and my school. I'll be honest, it made me put my cynicism temporarily on the back burner.

2) I just can't figure out why "they" won't leave OJ alone.

There he was, in Las Vegas, Nevada, undoubtedly on the trail of the elusive Real Killers of his brutally murdered ex-wife and her lover, when somebody, probably connected with the LAPD, set him up (again). I mean, really, does OJ strike you as the kind of dude who would show up to a hotel room with a couple of goons and start making like a tough guy? Did you listen to the audio of the alleged robbery? Sounds more like Tony Soprano than OJ. I mean, who records themselves being stuck up anyway? I tell you what: I'm really going to start losing my confidence in our justice system if shit like this keeps happening to Orenthal.

3) "Don't tase me, Bro!"

Surely you've seen it by now. The video of the student being taken down and tasered by police shortly after he broke up a John Kerry town hall speech with a few "inappropriate" questions. I've had a ton of people ask my opinion about this episode. Are you ready? Here it is: that kid deserved every bit of that taser. Maybe I feel that way because he reminds me of the self-absorbed, self-righteous assholes with whom I attended undergrad. Or maybe it's because people are attempting to liken the situation of this assumably privileged nincompoop to that of those who are regularly harassed by the police simply because they are poor and/or non-white. Or maybe it's because this guy was indeed resisting arrest. Or maybe it's because he was hamming it up and trying to make a free speech martyr of himself. OR maybe it's because he ignored rules two, five and six of Chris Rock's PSA, "How Not to Get Your Ass Kicked by the Police." At any rate, NO ONE should mistake a legitimately applied taser to this. And finally...

4) Yes, I did see Mos Def on Real Time with Bill Mayer.

Yes, I had been looking forward to it. Yes, he did sound like an uneducated, paranoid, pseudo-revolutionary idiot. Yes, he did waste a golden opportunity to represent hip hop in a positive manner. No, I am not supplying you with a link to this travesty. Find it yourself if you're so inclined.

To Brenda: I'm sorry I ran a little long. If you've made it this far I promise I'll treat you to dinner.

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Friday, September 07, 2007

Nigger Doesn't Live Here Anymore




















This nig..um African-American might as well start looking for a new job right now.



Apparently, not even black people can use the "N-word" anymore.

That's what Eddie "Undercover Brother" Griffin found out during a performance at a Black Enterprise Magazine sponsored event in Doral, Florida last week. Griffin, who's built his career on embracing and fleshing out embarrassing racial stereotypes, was pulled off of the stage after repeatedly dropping the N-bomb in front of a crowd presumably comprised predominately of middle and upper middle class black folks. This episode comes fresh on the heels of the NAACP holding a mock funeral for the word. I guess Eddie didn't get the memo.

Wow. OK. My first reaction to this news was wishing I could have been there to see the look on Eddie Griffin's face. PRICELESS, I'm sure. He's probably still wondering what he did wrong. 'What kind of topsy-turvy world am I inhabiting,' he must be saying to himself, 'when I can't repeatedly refer to my fellows as n-words?' My second reaction was wondering what the hell the organizers of the event were expecting. I mean, they booked him right? I can't imagine him just happening to be there, milling around in the crowd, and deciding to jump on stage and nigger it up, for lack of a better description. Hadn't they seen any of his stand up? Did they find him in the yellow pages? Were they expecting him to pull out a sledgehammer and start smashing watermelons? Honestly, I almost feel sorry for Eddie Griffin. For going on two decades he's been allowed, no encouraged (rewarded with money, fame, movie roles, etc.) for doggedly sticking to his routine. He's never bothered evaluating himself about his usage of the word, or any of his other coonery, because, for one, he hasn't had to and for two, he's not a top-tier comedian.

All of the great stand-up geniuses, at one time or another, come to a point at which they question their own integrity. The dearly departed Richard Pryor, in whose godly image current black comedians have unsuccessfully attempted to mold themselves, went to Africa at the height of his popularity, came back home, publicly retired the word from his vocabulary, and said simply "I didn't see any niggers in Africa." Chris Rock, whose penetrating, Bring The Pain routine, "Black Folks versus Niggers," regenerated his career in the mid-'90s, decided that he would no longer perform it because he feared it was being misinterpreted. Most recently, Dave Chappelle, the man whom Pryor said reminded him most of himself, completely abandoned his show once he began feeling that some (himself included) were confusing his art with minstrelsy. Ironically, in Griffin's best work, DysFunktional Family, he pays homage to Pryor and refers to him as the greatest comic of all time. Yet, apparently, although Griffin was heavily influenced by his idol, he and other black comics of his generation failed to pick up on one of Richard Pryor's most important lessons.

One More Thing: In this Post-Nigger World of mock funerals, bum-rushed comics and almost daily Al Sharpton grandstanding, I can't help but wonder if we're fighting the wrong battle. I know, of course, the power of hate words. They are, as Saul Williams articulated "shards of metal DROPPED from eight story windows." But I'm still left cold by this suddenly amped up movement to cull the word from our collective vocabulary and cast it down the memory hole. Perhaps it's because it seems to be yet another way for the black middle/upper middle class - who're at the heart of this campaign - to police the actions of the people beneath them. Maybe it's the dull realization that eliminating the n-word won't put the kibbosh on white people's usage of it. Or maybe it's because, as Breez (she's brilliant, check her out) puts it, "Zero tolerance almost always equates to zero Negro tolerance." Just ask Eddie Griffin.

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Tuesday, August 28, 2007

The Problem With Vick














Some crimes don't go unpunished.



OK. After having an interesting series of mini-debates with a dear friend - who, in the interest of disclosure, is a white dog owner who also happens to a) embrace race and gender conflict theory and b) have the good sense to agree with me most of time - I feel the need to clarify the comments that I wrote concerning Michael Vick in my previous post.

I'm truly not defending Mike Vick's criminal actions. I don't believe that he should somehow escape penalty simply because of the color of his skin or the fact that his most vocal detractors are white. Nor do I believe that dogfighting isn't a serious matter. Just because I find the doggy-love in this country excessive doesn't mean I wouldn't want to see some sadistic animal torturer brought to justice. But, as I wrote, I simply am not comfortable with the way this sad little episode is being publicly played out. At any rate, here are some additional thoughts that I have on the matter.

Despite the facts of the case, this is being viewed as a media/government witch hunt by most black people. Undoubtedly, part of the reason that blacks and whites are interpreting this so dissimilarly is because black people see Vick being prosecuted by a predominately white, historically inequitable criminal justice machine, skewered by a predominately white, rush-to-judgment media and kicked around by a predominately white, credulous and seemingly hypocritical public. When this happens, the actual crime becomes a secondary consideration for us. For further proof of this phenomenon, examine the case of one Orenthal James Simpson (if you're one of the last few who hasn't lost all stomach for it - or if you happen to be Nancy Grace).

Regarding the hypocrisy of the American public, black people see a LOT of it bubbling under the surface of this issue. For one thing, we Americans seem to be selective about what will and won't register emotionally with us. The same dog-lovers who allow themselves to be worked into a lather of righteous indignation over the brutal killings of scores of dogs don't seem to bat an eyelash over the brutal murders of millions of dark-skinned people in Darfur, for example. Or, if international ethnic cleansing is too unpalatable for consumption, how about those athletes/entertainers who are given a pass when they abuse and/or rape women? Or how about (and granted at this point it's officially become personal) R. Kelly? Roughly five years ago Robert Kelly filmed himself urinating on a 14-year-old girl. Since that time he's made five or six albums, one of which, released shortly after the incident, was entitled, The Chocolate Factory. This is pretty salacious shit. Yet, as of this post, he has yet to go to trial. And just as I can't help wondering if Peyton Manning or Tom Brady would be getting the same treatment Vick is, I can't help wondering if Kelly would be treated with such kid gloves if he'd chosen to film himself urinating on a blond-haired, blue-eyed white girl. Dogs, it appears, are more worthy of protection in the minds of the American public than little black girls.

Less importantly, like it or not, PETA and similar groups have become the public face of the Stick It To Mike Vick movement. Yes, the very same PETA members who are screaming for Michael Vick's blood and who would undoubtedly hurdle over a homeless man on their way to the vegan deli without losing a step. I would also argue, that many animal-rights activists are driven, to one degree or another, by an unsettling blend of self-righteousness, misanthropy, elitism, and yes, racism. I've read and heard many of the arguments explaining why I should stop eating meat and encourage others to do the same. I just can't reconcile those arguments with the people who make them - people who equate the meat industry with the slave trade and the Holocaust. Recently, I completed Pamela Rice's 101 Reasons Why I'm a Vegetarian. Although I feel she could have just as easily whittled it down to four or five reasons, I must admit that I mostly agreed with her. So much so that I visited her vivavegie website and found this bullshit, in which she stupidly likens vegetarians with other historically marginalized groups, puts insults to vegetarians on par with racial slurs and openly wonders "where's our Al Sharpton?" Do black folks want the fate of Mike Vick decided by these people (who, it quickly becomes clear, are more interested in letting you know exactly how much of an asshole you are for enjoying your chicken kiev than they are in broadening their membership base)?

So with the Vick case, we've once again found ourselves at that messy intersection on the American social landscape where race and class collide. Predictably, we've also come to the point where we're left divided cleanly along racial lines with regard to how we see things. And since I don't hold out any hope that white folks won't recognize anything but moral absolutes, I guess I can't expect black folks to stop defending a criminal.

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Sunday, August 26, 2007

Vick Kills Dogs, DL Sticks it to Sisters















Is this the new face of Free Speech?


A number of people have been asking me to use the blog to respond to a myriad of current events. Usually, I can sidestep these requests with skill and ease. However, there are two pop issues that I probably should address.

Here goes...

1) I don't really like dogs. I once owned a mixed breed (I grew up using the term "mutt" but, apparently, dogs deserve as much respect, with regard to how they're labeled, as humans) named Tank, who, somewhat ironically, was run over by a Ford Fairmont station wagon. Ever since, it's been difficult for me to bond emotionally with canines. Don't get me wrong. I don't hate them. I merely believe that they occupy far too much real estate in the American consciousness. It's as if Americans, weaned on the legend of Old Yeller and television reruns of Lassie, assume that there is a direct correlation between their patriotism and the number of times they've allowed Max to climb up on their beds and kiss them in the mouths. And when dog owners invariably compare their living property with children....don't even get me started on that.

Having made my bias crystal clear, I have to admit that I don't exactly hate Michael Vick. Am I an apologist for him? Absolutely not. The crimes for which he'll be entering a plea are both morally repulsive and prosecution-worthy. But I, like many others, have certainly noticed the, let's say complexion of the disdain for Vick and it makes me uncomfortable. It also raises another issue. I don't think many white Americans, particularly sports enthusiasts, have ever felt loose and easy with Number 7. Michael Vick's style of play - decidedly athletic and freewheeling and, let's face it, BLACK - has engendered a reaction from some whites that ranges from curiosity to outright contempt. This isn't a non-issue. I believe that if a traditional quarterback like Peyton Manning or Tom Brady had committed these atrocities, the public call for blood would be noticeably more muted. For Joe Sixpack, Vick's more significant crime might be not learning to stay his ass in the pocket. As always though, I could be wrong.

2) I think that the outrage borne out of DL Hughley's comments is deserved and righteous. After having read a combative and pointedly unremorseful interview with him, I'm even more disappointed. Let's keep in mind that Hughley chose to dog these women on the most popular late night television in the country, and did so in front of a predominately white audience. This ain't the Chitlin' Circuit to which he's accustomed. Furthermore, Hughley's "truth" - that these women are "some of the ugliest women I've ever seen" - is completely subjective and undoubtedly colored by white, racist standards of beauty. Also, his statements were fresh on the heels of the Imus debacle. Haven't these women had to endure enough public ridicule? AND, despite his poorly thought out intentions, the shit that he said wasn't even funny.

Before you Free Speech absolutists start foaming at the mouth, I'd argue that this isn't a free speech issue. No sensible person makes a Free Speech Mountain out of a Faux Pas molehill. Did DL Hughley have the right to say what he said? Damn tootin'. Should his social responsibility as a black man living in a historically and presently racist country outweigh his desire to sneak one in at the expense of black women in general and the Rutger's Women's Basketball team in particular? Hell yes.

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Friday, April 27, 2007

Stop Snitching: 60 Minutes’ Assassination of Hip Hop Culture














Hip Hop in the Crosshairs



“This is what I mean an anti-nigger machine!” -Chuck D. (Public Enemy)



OK. I’ve finally been moved to respond to the “Stop Snitching” segment that appeared on 60 minutes recently. I was avoiding it until now because this would make the third post in a row that I’ve had to defend hip-hop to one degree or another. But, after five full days, the story continues to stick in my craw.

If you saw the segment, you might be moved to believe that an entire generation of young, black inner-city inhabitants is being led down the path of self-destruction, Pied piper-style, by rappers like Busta Rhymes and Cam’ron. Apparently, the programmers at 60 Minutes would like you to buy into the idea that fans of hip hop are being encouraged to not cooperate with the police if they witness a crime being committed. Regarding this particular illusion, allow me to employ a recently resurrected reference to the infamous 1978 mass murder/suicide in Jonestown, Guyana: “Don’t drink the Kool-Aid.” I won’t bore you with detailing the numerous problems with the piece. I would, however, like to make a few quick points.

“Justice,” as it were, is metered out quite differently on rough the urban streets of this country than it is in the state-sponsored criminal justice system. Quite a few of the young men who refuse to cooperate with police with regard to crimes like assault and homicide, even if they or their loved ones have been victimized, do so because they intend to directly exact revenge. Actually, I’m surprised that media darling Anderson Cooper didn’t take this salacious little detail into account. Imagine what kind of legs this story would have had if he’d introduced the idea that vigilantism is the law of the land in the ghettoes of the US.

Of all the cultural observers, sociologists, community advocates or thoughtful MCs 60 Minutes could have interviewed about this “phenomenon” they chose Cam’ron. Consider that for a moment. They chose Cam’ron, an inventor of ridiculous self-celebratory nursery rhymes, to explain the somewhat complicated issue of black distrust of the law enforcement machine. Next week I’m fully expecting to turn on 60 minutes and see an interview with Lil’ Kim about her thoughts on the disintegration of the black family.

Black folks and other minorities have been taught, by experience, to be wary of police. How much investigative journalism would it have taken to uncover this elusive detail? This should have been the predominant issue of the segment but it wasn’t even given a cursory examination.

Thankfully, I have access to a brother in the know, Dr. Lorenzo Boyd, a criminal justice professor at the University of Texas and an expert on community policing. He was gracious enough to arm me with a number of important facts regarding the relationship between those who police the nation’s inner cities and those who live in them. Here’s a few:


  1. Although Blacks comprise roughly 14% of America’s population, Blacks constitute over 60% of all police arrests.
  2. Race is one of the strongest predictors of attitudes towards the police
  3. Black citizens in general tend to have less confidence in the police than Whites and are often skeptical of the police’s willingness or ability to protect them
  4. In a 1998 Department of Justice Report, 67% of White respondents reported that they felt that the police treated all races fairly, while only 30% of Blacks felt that way
  5. Public opinion polls have shown that overall Blacks tend to have a more negative view of the police than Whites, and Whites were more likely to support the use of deadly force by police than were Blacks.
  6. Police brutality is a major source of dissatisfaction with police among both urban residents and racial minorities
  7. Fatal shootings by police are more frequent in areas that have a large number of racial or economic underclass.
  8. The 1992 St. Clair Commission report (examining Boston's police department) showed that race still plays a central role in the use of excessive force. The report found that during the period studied, 50 percent of complainants in the sample group were Black, while 26 percent of Boston's population was Black.
  9. The Christopher Commission: “Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD) officers frequently treat minorities differently from Whites, more often using disrespectful and abusive language, employing unnecessarily intrusive practices such as the `prone-out,' and engaging in use of excessive force when dealing with minorities" (1991).
  10. According to the 1991 Christopher Commission Report on the Los Angeles Police Department, racial bias within the LAPD is not confined to the officer’s treatment of minority citizens, but it is also reflected in the conduct of officers towards their minority colleagues.
  11. Minority officers are still too often subjected to racial slurs, discrimination within the police department. More than 80% of the minority officers in the Los Angeles Police Department are concentrated in “entry-level police officer ranks.”
  12. The Christopher Commission cites a survey of which 650 officers responded. It states that approximately one-quarter of the officers responding agreed that “racial bias” (prejudice) on the part of officers towards minority citizens contributes to negative relations with the public (Christopher 1991).
  13. The police are more likely to use full law enforcement authority (i.e., arrest) in communities that have higher percentages of minorities (Jackson and Boyd 2005).
  14. African Americans 3x more likely than whites to experience threatened or actual force and are Hispanics more likely than whites, but less likely than African Americans, to experience either.
  15. Police seen as unresponsive to complaints against them.
  16. Racial & ethnic minorities often accuse police of failing to investigate, “covering up.”
  17. Most people who believe they are a victim of police misconduct do not report it.


Lest you accuse me of being a complete pessimist, I end this with a glimmer of hope. I hope that maybe, one day, the powers that be at 60 Minutes will decide that, instead of attempts at broad cultural character assassination, they’ll dig just a little deeper into the roots of issues having to deal with black America. But until then, I’ll light a candle for Ed Bradley, continue to curse the day that Andy Rooney was born and resign myself to watching America’s Funniest Home Videos.

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