Thursday, July 02, 2009

Worse Than The Worst Thing You've Ever Seen

"Turl-bull." -Charles Barkley

I know it’s been a long time, and I doubt that I still have enough equity with anyone who used to visit this blog to ask a favor, but I need you to do something for me. Think of the absolute worst movie you’ve ever seen in your life. Envision it. Do your best to bring that stinking, steaming pile of crap to life in your mind’s eye. Picture the terrible scene transitions, the awkward dialogue and the gratuitous explosions. Think of the pointlessness of the entire project. Can you see it? Good. Now imagine, if you can, a movie that makes that look like Citizen Kane. That movie has a name: Vegas Vampires. Vegas Vampires is so indescribably awful that everyone involved (yes, that includes you Tiny Lister as well as Danny Baldwin and that one cat from Onyx) should be visited in the middle of the night by some sort of biblical plague. There is a bottom, my friends, and Fred Williamson has found it and attempted to share it with the world.
Blaxplanation Disclaimer: Those of you who watch movies ironically, simply because they are epically bad, might have to cast "Plan 9 from Outer Space" aside and make room for a new champion. I'm not kidding.



At 3:52 PM , Blogger Clifton said...

I click on my reading list updates and what do you know! Did you really come back from a seven month break with a post about Vegas Vampires? That's called making an impact.

The scene with Fredro and the girls in the limousine is classic b-movie material.

Welcome back.

At 1:39 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

1. I'm mad that Cliff is comparing scene notes. Like, for real.

2. I'm mad at you expecting more. ANYTHING with Tiny Lister in the foreground, you know precisely what you're getting into. You going soft fam?

At 12:12 PM , Blogger BLESSD1 said...

Man...there are some real stinkers generated by the famous, former No Limit rappers (I'd NEVERAH call them artists), Kane and Abel of "Shake it Like a Dog" fame, called "Da Block Party" and "Block Party Madness" that have to be able to compete with Vegas Vampires. They were horrible. The WORST!

At 12:14 PM , Blogger BLESSD1 said...

P.S. Tiny Lister is in one of these flicks too. Are we sensing a pattern yet?

At 6:04 PM , Blogger Coffey0072 said...

I caught this wonderful gem about a year ago, and I think I even clocked a blog post about it (don't recall). Wonderful cast with stellar Oscar worthy performances. lol.

At 6:05 PM , Blogger Coffey0072 said...

P.S. - If you think THIS is great, you should catch the flick Vampiyaz... with a Z at the end thank you very much! I think I hated myself that particular week, so I rented it from Netflix. lol.


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