Day Three: The Precipice

Peace to One and All:

I'd like to go on record as being the 97th million person to remind you all to go out and vote tomorrow. I'd also like to mention a few other things...

a) I'm definitely NOT going to lie to you and tell you that 'It doesn't matter who you vote for as long as you vote.' I'm not sure why people bother saying that trite shit. Perhaps because it makes them feel objective and magnanimous. I don't know. What I do know is that if you're inclined to vote for four more years of the same deplorable situation then I'd rather you stayed your ass at home and not participate - thank you very much.

b) Black folks in battleground states (Namely, Ohio, Missouri, Pennsylvania, New Mexico and Virginia) who, for some reason or another, are choosing not to vote need a potent dose of strong reconsideration. We're on the precipice of placing an African-American man of whom we can be proud in the White House. This ain't your father's black presidential candidate. This guy is bonafide. Let's give our kids a measure of proof that, despite overwhelming odds, they can achieve whatever goal they set their minds to. Also, as Chris Rock joked, I'm tired of giving my sons that speech when I hardly believe it myself.

c) Speaking of Jesse and Al: Can we now, at long last, admit to ourselves that these cats are the self-serving, self-glorifying, shameless, running-to-the-front-of-the-pack leeches that many of us thought they were? Their conservative critics have always accused them of being "race hustlers." Can't we admit that, on rare occasions such as this, right wingers can actually be correct? Al has, at least, done the decent thing by keeping his mouth shut and not (God forbid!) endorsing Obama. But Jesse? Appearing on Fox News (of all places) and audibly admitting that he'd like to castrate Obama? That was completely disgusting and should be, if we've got the good sense that God has given most of us, inexcusable. I think November 4th should be the day that we make two extremely progressive moves on behalf of black America: Put a black man in the White House and put these two jokers out of work. Who knows. Maybe these "Men of Faith" will actually have to get real jobs.

d) And finally, could someone tell me why people afix bumper stickers to their vehicles? Who do you think is being convinced to vote one way or another based on the slogan attached to the back of your '97 Accord? What happens if/when your candidate loses? And even if he or she wins, don't you suppose that you might want to sell your car one day? What if the potential buyer votes to the left or right of you? As much as I support the Obama candidacy, unless homeboy is willing to buy my Camry for above Blue Book, I'm not gluing his name to my car.

God's CEOs

MLK Enterprises: The Dream Has Changed


History was bound to repeat itself.

Still, I had hoped it wouldn't happen. Wednesday, the Burmese (yes, I'm using the former name of the country as opposed to the military-imposed misnomer) government began to disperse crowds of courageous protesters with randomly placed bullets. This in response to week-long street protests against the country's freedom-crushing junta, protests that were started by some of the country's Buddhist monks, individuals who Burmese citizens understandably hold in the highest regard.

The clarity of purpose that these monks have shown reminded me of a time when Black America could count on its religious leaders to stand up for social justice. Historically, the African-American church has served as a base for those in our community who have fought against tyranny in the forms of slavery, Jim Crow, the KKK and many other assaults on black equality. One is left to wonder how our churches have devolved into the sorry state in which we find them today - helmed by men and women who have given up on the constant struggle for black progress and have opted instead for self-service. Men and women who seek not to educate and empower their congregations, but to fleece them. Nowadays, black church leaders certainly seem to excel at this, but when an opportunity presents itself to stand against economic injustice, these guys are too busy Scrooge McDuckin' it to notice.

Frankly, I wouldn't mind trading most of these pulpit coin counters for monks. Monks are well-regarded, and for good reason. They are sincere and live by the simplest of means. Conversely, our church leaders seem to drip with duplicity and pretension. Many can only be counted on to support their own interests. Some of you will refer to the Big Two. But we really can't count the contributions of Al 'Slick' Sharpton and Jesse 'Baby Daddy' Jackson because, well, let's face it, neither of those dudes strikes me as the selfless type. Everything that they do seems to have them at the center of it. Jesse Jackson launched his career based on a rather despicable lie having to do with his wearing a shirt soaked with the blood of the recently assassinated Martin Luther King, Jr. Rev. Al rode his way to fame on the back of the dissembling Tawana Brawley. More recently, Jesse Jackson helped conceive a love child in-between marriage counseling sessions with the Clintons. Al Sharpton, dauntless in his quest to become a poor man's Jesse, ran for president with the help of a nasty little Republican Svengali. These transgressions are bad enough but to top everything off, these chumps don't even have a church. When was the last time you heard anybody say, "One of the things I want to do when I come to visit you is get up early and go to Jesse Jackson's church."

But, even those Men-of-God who do have a church generally come with a ton of unseemly extras. By most accounts, Bishop TD Jakes, through his Potter's House charities and other philanthropic endeavors, has really done some genuine good. But the brother also has an affinity for posh mansions, diamond pinky rings and Bentleys. Sure, it was awfully magnanimous of him to dig between his sofa cushions and offer six thousand dollars to the Jena 6 Defense Fund but one gets the feeling that he just as easily could have spent the money on a couple of tie clips.

Another prominent preacher, the good Reverend Creflo Dollar (I do not possess the imagination to make that name up) advocates "Prosperity Christianity," preaches that true belief will be rewarded with material success, and owns three private jets.

Fast Eddie Long, the Georgia-based pastor who unflinchingly said, "I am looked at as one of the church's fathers. One of God's CEOs," created a charity that netted him over 3 million dollars income over a three-year period.

Then there's the "Prophetess" Juanita Bynum, who apparently couldn't predict that her husband would confuse himself with Ike Turner and who will, undoubtedly, write a profitable little book in the very near future about her ability to spiritually stave off an attack.

A friend of mine thinks I'm just being pointlessly mean for criticizing people like TD Jakes. She even defends him by arguing that most of his discretionary income comes from TD Jakes Enterprises, which produces books, (with titles like, Woman, Thou Art Loosed! and He-Motions) albums and movies. My rebuttal is always pretty simple. If Jesus were here, He wouldn't be CEO of JESUS, Inc. He wouldn't wear outlandish five-piece suits or gaudy jewelry. He wouldn't drive a Bentley or a Rolls Royce. He wouldn't have his own private jet. He wouldn't live in a mansion. WWJD? Not this. If you disagree with me you're either doing so out of spite or you've missed the entire point of Christianity - which is, of course, to be Christ-like: humble, obedient, steadfast, unworldly. It's relatively simple. To those Christians who don't think any of this is a big deal, consider this: If you're constantly distracted by moneymen like Jakes, perhaps you won't notice when the genuine article finally comes back around. Perhaps because you've spent so many years being led by Offering Plate Pastors who treat spirituality like a commodity, you'll find him too plain and pedestrian.

The thing is, I don't necessarily knock people for going to church. It's easy to figure out why they do it. Most go because it makes them feel good. Apparently, waking up early on Sundays, listening to choirs churn out the same songs and hearing a lavishly-dressed preacher loudly re and/or misinterpret a couple of already-familiar passages from the Bible while he theatrically wipes sweat from his brow is soul nourishing. Hey, to each his own. I just don't think it's a good sign when we can walk past the First Baptist ATM machine and not bat an eyelash.

Lest You Mourn Him...

"You shouldn't even miss me this much."



I have to admit that I've been on a bit of a losing streak lately.

I just missed out on a fantastic, potentially lucrative internship opportunity at a major firm. I received a 'B' from a professor who could have just as easily - and not altogether undeservedly - given me an 'A'. TiVo just provided me the opportunity to watch Tony Soprano commit an act (like Tony Montana, Nino Brown and a whole host of other likeable bad guys before him) so morally repugnant that I'm emotionally ready (at long last) to see him go. And, unlike the vast majority of my fellow wage-slaving clock punchers out there, I'm not terribly happy at my job.

So, there was room for my outlook to improve dramatically, and it did, when I learned of the recent death of Jerry Falwell. I know some of you are thinking, 'How awful of you to revel in someone's death, no matter who he was,' or some such sentimental hogwash. To you I simply respond, with my best Paulie Walnuts, "Get Da Fug Outta Here!"

Simply put: Jerry Falwell was an asshole. The worst kind of asshole, in fact, because he ceaselessly attacked gays, women who foolishly pursue economic and social equality and folks misguided enough to not worship the same God as he, while successfully innoculating himself against criticism by labeling all of his detractors God-haters. He also got the Christian right to embrace the idea that they had a Mandate from Above that compelled them to infest the world of politics - a world they'd historically written off as secular and unsalvagable.

Still, some can't find it in their Christian hearts to think ill of the dearly departed. Honestly, this kneejerk self-righteousness is one of the things I find most irritating about the bible-banging bunch: the very idea that it is somehow spiritually tacky to be thankful that a person, no matter how destructive or ethically diseased, is no longer around to cause trouble.

For you, I provide the words of the man himself. These were not paraphrased or taken out of context. Indeed, they were quoted very much within the context of Falwell's worldview. I retrieved this, appropriately enough, from a site called Positive Atheism. I doubt the Moral Majority would approve of their efforts.

If you're not a born-again Christian, you're a failure as a human being.

This is probably as bad a day as the court has had on social issues since "Roe v Wade." (reacting to the Supreme Court's ruling in the Texas sodomy case, "Lawrence v. Texas" wherein the high court uphelp an individual's (or a couple's) right to privacy).

I had a student ask me, "Could the savior you believe in save Osama bin Laden?" Of course, we know the blood of Jesus Christ can save him, and then he must be executed.."

God continues to lift the curtain and allow the enemies of America to give us probably what we deserve (regarding the attacks of Sept. 11, 2001).

The ACLU's got to take a lot of blame for this (regarding the attacks of Sept. 11, 2001).

And, I know that I'll hear from them for this. But, throwing God out successfully with the help of the federal court system, throwing God out of the public square, out of the schools. The abortionists have got to bear some burden for this because God will not be mocked. And when we destroy 40 million little innocent babies, we make God mad. I really believe that the pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists, and the gays and the lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People for the American Way -- all of them who have tried to secularize America -- I point the finger in their face and say, "You helped this happen."

I sincerely believe that the collective efforts of many secularists during the past generation, resulting in the expulsion from our schools and from the public square, has left us vulnerable.)

I put all the blame legally and morally on the actions of the terrorist, but America's secular and anti-Christian environment left us open to our Lord's decision not to protect. When a nation deserts God and expels God from the culture ... the result is not good.

Pat, did you notice yesterday the ACLU, and all the Christ-haters, People For the American Way, NOW, etc. were totally disregarded by the Democrats and the Republicans in both houses of Congress as they went out on the steps and called out on to God in prayer and sang "God Bless America" and said "let the ACLU be hanged"? In other words, when the nation is on its knees, the only normal and natural and spiritual thing to do is what we ought to be doing all the time -- calling upon God.

I hope I live to see the day when, as in the early days of our country, we won't have any public schools. The churches will have taken them over again and Christians will be running them. What a happy day that will be!

AIDS is not just God's punishment for homosexuals; it is God's punishment for the society that tolerates homosexuals.

The idea that religion and politics don't mix was invented by the Devil to keep Christians from running their own country.

If we are going to save America and evangelize the world, we cannot accommodate secular philosophies that are diametrically opposed to Christian truth ... We need to pull out all the stops to recruit and train 25 million Americans to become informed pro-moral activists whose voices can be heard in the halls of Congress.
I am convinced that America can be turned around if we will all get serious about the Master's business. It may be late, but it is never too late to do what is right. We need an old-fashioned, God-honoring, Christ-exalting revival to turn American back to God. America can be saved!

It appears that America's anti-Biblical feminist movement is at last dying, thank God, and is possibly being replaced by a Christ-centered men's movement which may become the foundation for a desperately needed national spiritual awakening.

There is no separation of church and state. Modern US Supreme Courts have raped the Constitution and raped the Christian faith and raped the churches by misinterpreting what the Founders had in mind in the First Amendment to the Constitution.

The Bible is the inerrant ... word of the living God. It is absolutely infallible,without error in all matters pertaining to faith and practice, as well as in areas such as geography, science, history, etc.

But these things speak evil of those things, verse 10 which they know not: but what they know naturally, as brute beasts, in those things they corrupt themselves. Look at the Metropolitan Community Church today, the gay church, almost accepted into the World Council of Churches. Almost, the vote was against them. But they will try again and again until they get in, and the tragedy is that they would get one vote. Because they are spoken of here in Jude as being brute beasts, that is going to the baser lust of the flesh to live immorally, and so Jude describes this as apostasy. But thank God this vile and satanic system will one day be utterly annihilated and there'll be a celebration in heaven.

The Jews are returning to their land of unbelief. They are spiritually blind and desperately in need of their Messiah and Savior.

Grown men should not be having sex with prostitutes unless they are married to them.

I do not believe the homosexual community deserves minority status. One's misbehavior does not qualify him or her for minority status. Blacks, Hispanics, women, etc., are God-ordained minorities who do indeed deserve minority status.

Dan Moldea, the lead investigator for Larry Flynt's ongoing quest to uncover sexual indiscretions of Republican congressional members, has now admitted he was hired by the law firm defending President Clinton.

We're fighting against humanism, we're fighting against liberalism ... we are fighting against all the systems of Satan that are destroying our nation today ... our battle is with Satan himself.

Billy Graham is the chief servant of Satan.

The ACLU is to Christians what the American Nazi party is to Jews.

AIDS is the wrath of a just God against homosexuals. To oppose it would be like an Israelite jumping in the Red Sea to save one of Pharoah's chariotters.

You'll be riding along in an automobile. You'll be the driver perhaps. You're a Christian. There'll be several people in the automobile with you, maybe someone who is not a Christian. When the trumpet sounds you and the other born-again believers in that automobile will be instantly caught away - you will disappear, leaving behind only your clothes and physical things that cannot inherit eternal life.l That unsaved person or persons in the automobile will suddenly be startled to find the car suddenly somewhere crashes...Other cars on the highway driven by believers will suddenly be out of control and stark pandemonium will occur on...every highway in the world where Christians are caught away from the drivers wheel.

Heathen Manifesto

“So, so you think you can tell Heaven from Hell..?” – Pink Floyd (Wish You Were Here)

The following is a true story.

My wife had a conversation with a former coworker during which she revealed that we don’t attend church. When she was asked why, she simply stated that she and I have problems with organized religion and don’t really accept the bible as unimpeachable fact. The man with whom she was speaking sadly shook his head and replied, “I really feel sorry for you both.” “Why’s that?” my wife asked. “Because you guys are going to hell,” was his response.

Thing is, this knee-jerk judgment-disguised-as-concern was coming, at the time, from a man who had TWO families, one of which was completely unaware of the other. I’m talking two “wives,” two separate homes, two sets of children. Yet, here he was, perched condescendingly in self-righteousness, pitying my wife and me for daring to question the unassailability of the Good Book.

This incident was not, in fact, the last of its kind. On several occasions either my wife or I have been proselytized to by someone who’s more concerned about my lack of “faith” than their own moral shortcomings. Without exaggeration I’ve had thieves, drug abusers, fall down drunks, adulterers, fornicators, liars, gossips, men who beat their wives, dudes who solicit prostitutes, women who neglect their children, and folks who generally feed their egos by treating other people like shit tell me that I need to get right with God. Apart from being insulting and not just a little hypocritical, it intimates that the Lord above cares more about whether or not, and in what way, I worship Him than He does about the actual behavior of His devotees. I don’t know about you but I find that troubling.

Make no mistake about it, I’m no saint and I certainly don’t expect everyone who preaches the Word to be completely above reproach. Yet, I can’t help but wonder what crime against humanity you have to commit to not be in the position to condemn me because I don’t spend a couple of hours a week sitting worshipfully on pews. Every time I see the buffoonish Bishop Don Magic Juan, the former pimp turned preacher and Snoop Dogg companion, I have to conclude that he is an extreme example of the shameless, repentant sinner who uses his professed relationship with God as a buffer as he sins again with impunity. After all, he is beyond man’s petty attempts to evaluate him. Who but the Almighty can judge him? I’m sure if I were ever unfortunate enough to have a conversation with the Bishop it would vacillate between concern for my soul and “hos” on the stroll.

I’d like to end this with one final revelation (for lack of a better word) that I’ve had recently. I don’t think most of these Christian backsliders really believe that they will one day have to answer to a higher power. They might have, long ago, convinced their unquestioning selves of this idea. But in their heart of hearts, I think this is a part of the dogma that they reject. Otherwise, they simply wouldn’t do half of the shit that they do. And they wouldn’t have the temerity to evangelize while they do it.