Day Seventeen: Bad Moon Rising

"I asked for a day off. Not a lay off."

It's never a good sign when your boss feels the need to pull you aside and convince you that neither you nor your coworkers are in danger of being laid off.

Yesterday, my supervisor did just that. Why she singled me out I don't know. Perhaps she's mistaken me for the office gossip. What I do know is that the day before yesterday, the entire HR staff was told, at a Thanksgiving luncheon, that a person was being brought in to help us improve our processes and that this person was an expert in "organizational restructuring." This news, which, I guess took the place of some sort of company grace was followed up quickly with, "Alright. Let's eat!"

As you might imagine, everyone began worrying about their jobs. I, for one, saw signs of this happening. Our company has about five thousand employees with an HR staff of approximately 70. Frankly, our function is begging to be streamlined. I've actually mentioned this to a few of my coworkers in the past.

So now comes the wait. The hatchetman that they're bringing in starts the second week of December. Predictably, everyone is nervous. I imagine it'll be sort of like the movie Office Space, when the efficiency experts show up and meet with everyone to have them explain what they do with their time. Too bad my name's not Michael Bolton.

By the way, I'm still trying to locate a Human Resources law mandating that an employee has to endure a morning commute and work a full day before he or she gets fired. I, like many, would rather be terminated via telephone, from the comfort of my own home.